Meemos are for PUBAs

It has been 2 weeks I guess since my last entry, so based on this, it looks like this will be a fortnightly updated blog. I am really ‘learning’ estimation skills that I am being taught in the class “decision making analysis” (…such a nerd).

Before continuing I should explain exactly what the title of my last blog meant. First, let me preface this anecdote with this statement: American television is garbage. It is certainly a fast food nation, and the television is no different. There are, however, certain exceptions. There are some excellent news shows on PBS and current affairs shows like 60 minutes. HOWEVER, there is so much reality TV…enough to make me want to beat myself in the face with a shoe. We literally do not watch TV anymore. I do feel that I should share the plot and content of one reality show in particular, purely for the G factor*. Although I am deterring from my original anecdote, stick with me, dear reader. So, it called something along the lines of “Momma’s boys” (http://www.nbc.com/Mommas_Boys/). It’s about these three guys who are given a handful of bimbos to choose from, but the catch is, their mother will be accompanying them through the process – these lucky girls will get to hang out with (and LIVE) with their neurotic mums! (Cyanide tablets, anyone?) There is obviously an elimination process. So, the show seems fairly (as much as it can be) innocuous. WELL, I watched this gem of a program 3 weeks leading up to its final show and became a bit familiar with the characters. There was this one mother in particular who was aggressively protective of her son. Like, he was on a date at this remote resort with ho number 4 or whatever, and Mumsy was so pissed off that she got the show to get her into a helicopter to fly over the hotel in which they were staying (they were dry humping in the pool) to spy on them. Thus, mummy got angry. So angry that she punched the window of the helicoper. Needless to say, the pilot was not happy with her. Well, it got worse. By the final episode, it was just plain creepy. She became really hostile to the competing hos and refused to select any of them as her ‘fave’ (one of her tasks). Then, she made her son go on a ‘date’ with her, cuddling him, telling him how much she loved him and how handsome he was…she was basically HITTING ON HER SON. Ick! Anywho, we decided after that, the world of TV was not for us. Whew, so now back to the original the story: the title of the blog, which was ‘side effects may include’…the reason for this is that they advertise medication on television. Weird enough as it is, they also advertise anti-depressants and other staple prescriptions of the American diet. However, they must also have some regulation where they need to disclose the side effects. So, following this glowing endorsement of whatever legal crack you can get prescribed, they announce, ‘side-effects may include’: constipation, dizziness, nausea, fainting, swelling, blood clots and DEATH. You can only imagine the hysterics that this induces, dear reader.

Now onto the other stuff:

At the time of writing this, I am totally exhausted because I have been on an exercise binge (no disorders, don’t worry, dear reader). I have started Taekwondo training which happens about 4-3 times a week. Yep, it’s intense. We do a vomit-inducing (again, no disorder) amount of pushup and sit-ups in every class, which is great for fitness, but not good for my neck/guts. I am, however, keen to raise my endurance and physical discipline, along with being able to potentially stand my ground if ever intimidated. How tough do I sound?!Yeah, don’t with eff with me. Seems like this place is definitely rubbing off. In addition, our student fees have paid for unlimited use of the University indoor pool and gym. We’ve been abusing that power.

We’ve been in Chapel Hill for about 3 weeks now. We’ve really settled into our place and are starting to enjoy the town. It is almost sad that we are only here for a 5 months because we’re just starting to get to know the place, and people. I guess it’s just a matter of embracing the time we have rather than mourning the time when we have to leave. As for the everyday stuff, we’re living in this great townhouse that backs onto a forest. We actually had Deer in our backyard the other day! And there are always little red and blue robins flittering around. We live with an awesome housemate and we’ve all really clicked.

As for uni, we’re both finding the subjects that we’re taking at UNC much more challenging than at our respective Universities in Australia. It may have something to do with us both undertaking policy subjects in which we need to have some level of U.S. political knowledge. The teaching and content here is very parochial. It is not tailored to suit the needs of high fee paying international students (looking at you, University of Sydney). And this is actually one of the advantages – they have standards as to the level of students that they admit (stinging).

The last few weeks have been fairly minimal but hectic nonetheless. Of significance: it snowed (apparently the first time in like a decade) which was beautiful. I made my way to class in it…trudging through the snow to get to class. I kept replaying the line “we used to walk 15 miles barefoot through the snow to get to school” (from the Simpsons, maybe?)We also experienced some eye-watering cold nights (um... -15) in which I levitated above by body and joined a metaphysical plane of existence before rejoining my numb self that was, although wrapped in many layers, hating me for making it walk around in said cold temps.

We’ve also been introduced to the other exchange students at a recent induction session. There were plenty of Australian students there…most are undergrad and live on campus. Speaking of Australia, we went to an 'Australia Day' themed college party last weekend. It was kitschy, alcohol-fuelled and very funny. There was even a bogan in a flag-cape there. Seriously, they are unavoidable! This was our second university party and there is definitely a consistent theme emerging: blind drunkenness and bad music. I am pretty much over it and eager to socialize in other ways. One bonus is that there have been some good people that we’ve met through these parties, though the actual events have been pretty pissweak. The funniest thing is ‘drinking games’. I mean, really? Do we not know how to interact? Drinking games are so, eh.

So, I am missing friends and family ridiculously (lump in throat), really, but glad to be on this adventure. Til next (estimated) fortnight!

*G factor = gross disgustingness factor

Side-effects may include...

This is the first blog I have ever posted. I think it is about time. Time for some blogging. We (Devin and I) are now living in America. And it is time to document the experience. I will be minimal with describing the details. Because details, description, are boring to the reader. So, I will ensure to jump straight to the facts. And the funny bits. The bits of amusement that tickle the fancy of this Australian traveller and soon to be, student, of the 'land of the free'. Or so they keep telling me. Let me set the scene for you, dear reader: We are living in a townhouse style place in a smallish (100.000 population) town called Chapel Hill in North Carolina. It is what is described as a University town that is extremely 'liberal'. Whatever that means. It is quaint and cute. There is a great main street with pretty cool cafes and restaurants. But let me backtrack. We arrived here about a week ago. I got on a plane from Madrid to Miami then the Raleigh. This was all on the 1st Jan. Which was pretty ridiculous. But I made it. I was greeted at the airport by Cathy and Kevin Zimmer and their sons David and Matthew, who are friends of my parents, and now, of ours. I was wretchedly sick from the flight thanks to some craptastic food that they fed us. It was creamy cheesy pasta which went well with my allergy to dairy. Anywho, after getting off the plane...oh, did I mention I thought we were going to die whilst attempting to fly to Miami from Madrid? It all started with the shitty service and obvious cost-cutting that American Airlines (who I had to fly with) were clearly undertaking. I mean, they are the pits. Really. Don't recommend flying with them. We were apparently 'stuck' at a certain altitude with horrible, horrible turbulence. It was bad. So bad, that I was actually gripping my tray table. Hanging on for dear life. Because that 7 centimetres of hard plastic was definitely going to save MY life if the plane started to nose dive. Anyhow, how did I get so distracted? No long winded anecdotes, I told you, dear reader.

So, we're in the United States. In North Carolina. Did I mention that this is technically the south? They are still fighting the civil war in some parts of the State, apparently. Our furniture salesmen, a top bloke, carries a loaded handgun. Everyday. On his belt. He also asked Dev and I if we were "wed". Still, a lovely guy. He basically furnished our room for us, on a very slim budget. Other than the gun toting furniture guy, we are being entertained on a daily basis by the friendly folks with their southern accents. Cleetus style. We are also, just as entertained by eavesdropping on conversations between African-American women (younger, in particular) who seem to fill every stereotype in my mind...with the head 'side-to-side' "oh, no she di'n't!" reactions.

Next stop of cultural 'adjustment': The FOOD TRAIN. Well, other than the notoriously nasty cheeses (none of which I can eat anyway) is the copious amounts of sugar, corn and soybean that is in, um, EVERYTHING. We were literally queasy for the first few days of arriving. Since we have moved, we shop fairly exclusively at the co-op which has an amazing selection of foods for fussy shitheads like me on new age wacky diets that consist of goats cheese and blueberries (among other healthy rubbish). Strange things thus far: drinks are GIANT and BOTTOMLESS. You can refill your glass til you are about to piss straight Sprite. The drink of choice here is iced tea. Oh, and alcohol is ridiculously expensive to buy in a restaurant. No one is BYO. They don't understand the concept, except for at parties. Which is really to be expected.

My last cultural analysis of this place, after week one: Sports players are revered as demigods. No shit. I am saying this as an Australian: where sports players can rape and pillage and it is excused as 'part of the culture'. Basketball, gridiron and Baseball. People go nuts over them. There are cable channels (note the plural) that are dedicated to college sports (mainly basketball), exclusively. Hmmm. Note to self: do not attempt to understand the game because it just means that locals will attempt to talk to you about it. In this case ignorance is certainly, on the way to bliss.

Final comment: the big box stores are AMAZING. They are also incredibly unethical. But, wow. You can buy tampons, a lettuce, a pair of jogging shoes AND a couch all in the same shop. Most of the chain stores are like this, huge, addictive, and totally engaging. We have probably spend a total of 3 out of 10 days in America, mouths open, trawling big box stores. Target is our weakness.

FYI I will be starting tae-kwon-do classes whilst we are here. And I am really excited about uni. I am feeling motivated and inspired. I am also sounding slightly evangelical. Seems like this place is already rubbing off.